Famous Last Thoughts Konan
by Konniemay
Summary: Although she may be silent, her mind is never at ease. As Konan stands, entering the point of no return she finds herself reviewing her life, and deciding what comes next. Based off of manga chapter 446. Has PeinKonan DeiKonan


Listening to Nagato bring up our past was tormenting. I kept my expression very blank, glaring somewhat at the foolish Jinchuuriki, lashing out and yelling, listening to this story…the pity. I was pathetic, I truly was once…but I eventually had enough. It was hard to stand; listening to the horrors of what occurred…my kidnapping…Yahiko's death…my parent's death… It was brewing up long forgotten emotions I've so desperately tried to shut up forever. After Yahiko's death…when Nagato went mad, I began to lose my empathy expression. There was no love…there was no light, and with Nagato plotting and planning, going insane with his thoughts on pain… I eventually shut myself off completely. Deep down my wish was to stop being so jaded and just to feel… but how could I?

There was no love…and as time went on, with Akatsuki and the wars, I knew for sure, Nagato would never love. He was to obsessed with pain…pain…pain…pain! Always darkness. It angered me slightly, but alas I forgotten how to truly express these things. Nagato changed his name to his only love, Pain. I helped him however I could…out of some small belief I could once again experience love, perhaps with him, but deep down I knew it would never be. He's my comrade…one who stuck with me through those blackened years of my youth, my natural choice for something like that, but once again... I had to remind myself…never love. So I stuck by him, not questioning anything…just holding on to what was left of what I had…until, for a short amount of time…I met him.

In a dark twisted way, what we had qualified under his views of art…a bang. It did not last, and my heart fills with sorrow to think…but if I were to die now, I'd die appreciatively, for that wild kid, that rogue ninja who didn't give a damn about Akatsuki and ruling the world, showed me emotions…my long forgotten yearning wish. He was light…he was full of crazy emotions… he was like the sun, an exit from my dark rain world, in which I thought could never break. I'd fallen from grace, as if I was caught in a love affair with someone far from a god's status. Really…for some time my expression had changed when we were alone…touching…feeling…caressing…oh sweet pleasures of emotion! I felt them… my needs finally tended to! No longer just the messenger or servant, I felt like a goddess with that sunshine-haired lover of mine, and I believe as did he. All he ever wanted was to experience beauty before going out in a bang. He was crazy…he was, but his views on life were more optimistic, and made sense in my head, who cares about ranks? Indeed…I became quite selfish. I wanted everything, realizing that I too would die someday.

My summer came to an end, one fateful day my love had to go on another mission…I'll never forget that last kiss. Perhaps the last kiss I would ever have in my life. We grew passionate, both of us, and that lovely…deep kiss we'd parted with was almost celestial, so I believed in my head. Then again, it was the finally of my empathy's time, for what happened next casted a dark shadow, retorting me back to quiet, collective and expressionless Konan. Granted I put on this act in the mean time during my little affair…but after that mission…I forever stayed that way. He lost his head; caught up in hate and the superiority of his art…he went too far, desperate to kill the Uchiha boy, and at that…used C4 to end his life. I do not blame him…it was a perfect exit from this madness; I'd sweetly embrace an exit again. I do wonder sometimes if he's ever thought of me before he'd died…those few seconds before oblivion if he ever smirked to himself and thought of me…perhaps, perhaps not. I'll never know what he loved more…me or his art, and particularly I do not wish to know.

The reflection of my life played through my mind; I looked up again at the kyuubi and Nagato…my god, and for a brief moment shook my head and let out an expression. All I could think in my head was…why? Why all this? I stood by my god, still holding on to my past… I decided something. My life was still meaningless…and what I'd secretly hoped to be I know could now ever happen, all that I loved was dead. So… I stepped out in front of that child, determined. I'd help Nagato with whatever he wanted…I'd help him grant his wish of ruling the world; despite his abuse towards me…I'd help. Death sounded tempting to me, perhaps a certain comfort of peace…and my dreams had been taken from me…I wouldn't steal them from Nagato. I closed my eyes and stood ready to face this child, secretly…in an odd hope, wishing he'd grant me my one last wish.


End file.
